Could you be afraid of losing weight?

I’ve got an important question for you today.

Do you ever feel ready to make changes in your life (your diet, exercise, self-care, etc.) and yet sometimes find yourself behavior in ways that directly conflict with what you say you want?

Maybe you dream of having the energy and confidence that comes from taking better care of your body but when it comes to pulling the trigger, you find yourself frozen in action.

Or maybe you dream of a lifestyle that is more relaxed and flexible and yet you still over-commit and never make time for yourself to slow down.

If you suspect a limiting belief may be holding you back, pay close attention.

It doesn’t matter how much you say you want to lose weight, if you believe somewhere deep inside that weight loss equals some kind of pain (loss of freedom, loss of time with friends and family, heightened expectations, jealousy, deprivation, isolation) you will NOT let yourself do what it takes to succeed.

I’m telling you all of this for a reason.

I don’t want you to have to go through the same painful ups and downs that I did.

Let me paint the picture for you…

When I finally came to terms with the fact that diets didn’t work, I started taking a different approach – I let go of my obsession with weight (no more counting calories or stepping on the scale on a daily basis), started eating real foods and listening to my body’s needs, and for the first time in a long time, I started enjoying what I was eating. I felt energized, inspired and motivated by these changes. Needless to say, I was feeling PFA (pretty freakin’ awesome).

BUT, then I would slip…

It was as if as soon as I felt my pants get looser, my energy soar and my true self step forward, I got scared.

For many, myself included, successfully losing weight brings up a lot of fear about the future.

What will my life be like at a lower weight?

Will people look at me differently after I lose weight? Will they pass judgment? Will they be worried? Jealous?

Can I maintain this weight loss for the long term without sacrificing my health, my relationships, or my social life?

On the surface, weight loss seems pretty straightforward. Stop eating crap food, move your body and make time to take care of yourself, and before long, you’ll start to see success. But what we don’t realize is that there are many emotions that push their way to the forefront whenever we invite change to our lives.

Fear plays a role in all of these questions. Fear about the future, fear about the unknown, fear about your relationships. Fear of failure and even fear of success.

Perhaps you’ve experienced some of these fears too.

Fear of losing your identify.

Fear of feeling vulnerable.

Fear of heightened expectations.

Fear of deprivation or isolation.

Sometimes those fears are part of the reason why you falter or why you eventually stop trying to improve your health. I know because I experienced this several times when I was struggling with my weight.

If you find yourself in this position, like I did, it’s time for a reality check.

The way I see it, there were only two choices: 1) stay paralyzed in my fear and stuck in my weight and life; or 2) recognize my fears and take action to move past them.

I chose the latter.

In working through my fear, I made a promise to myself. That above everything else, I would do my very best to always take care of my body, my mind and my spirit for they are the very things that make me who I am. I promised I would never sacrifice my health for thinness. I promised I would never compromise my relationships to be a smaller size.

The last time I went through this cycle of “lose-weight-binge-gain-repeat,” I still felt nervous. But there was something different about this time. This time, I recognized the fear and even anticipated it. I reminded myself of the promises I made.

Some of my fears did come true. Friends did notice a slimmer body. BUT, they noticed a happier, more confident ME. I realized that even though some of my fears did come true as I dropped the weight, nothing really bad happened. My fears of success were unfounded. And probably – so are yours.

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always reflect their inner beliefs.” – James Allen

In the comments below, I want to know –

Have you ever had a fear of success? How do you overcome it and keep going?

As always, thank you for reading. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say on this topic as it’s a really important one!

Love,
Stephanie

5 Portion control tips to help you lose weight naturally

“How much should I be eating??”

I get that question a lot.

With so much information available to us about what to eat, there seems to be less on how much. And the truth is, the amount of food that we eat influences how much we weigh and how we feel physically (e.g. energized vs. lethargic) and emotionally.

Side note: You should know that I’m not one to calorie-count or weigh my food and I certainly don’t have my clients do it either. The reason being that for many of us who have struggled with our relationship to food, this type of behavior only exacerbates the obsession around what we eat and what we weigh. When everything is calculated (no pun intended), rigid, planned, veering off of said “plan” then induces feelings of guilt, shame, failure, and disappointment. All of which lead to binge-eating and then dieting. And so the diet-binge cycle continues.

Here’s the thing, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that it is important to listen to your body’s natural cues for hunger and satiety. But when you tell people,

Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full.

It sounds simple, right? But is it easy? Not always.

For many people struggling with their weight, dieting on and off again over the years has created disconnect between them and their bodies. What I mean is that during that time, we’ve forgotten what it feels like to experience hunger or *satisfaction.* I say satisfaction and not fullness because we know fullness. In fact, maybe we know it all too well. Fullness to me is the sensation in your body when you’ve over done it; it’s synonymous with discomfort, lethargy and excess. In contrast, I see satisfaction as meaning enough, pleasure, ease and energy. Do you see the difference?

When we eat to a point of fullness, it often means eating beyond our body’s physical needs. So when it comes to portion control, I think it’s an important tool for helping people understand their physical needs versus their physical desire or emotional needs; it also helps them reestablish the communication between their mind and body and therefore start to pick up on the subtleties of hunger and satisfaction.

So whether you’re trying to lose weight or maintain weight, I think you’ll find the following tips helpful – I know I have!

Tips for Portion Control

1. Lose the “clean plate” mentality.
To a certain degree, we’re all conditioned to eat until everything we’re served is done. The problem with this “clean plate” mentality however, is that while you can control how much food you serve yourself in your own home, you cannot necessarily control the amount of food you are served at say another person’s home or a restaurant. That said, if you believe that you must finish everything on your plate, you could be eating well beyond your body’s needs. And I know you might be thinking to yourself, “Well, I don’t want to waste it…”

When you eat beyond your body’s physical needs, those excess calories turn to fat and lead to weight gain over time. And isn’t excess, by definition, waste?

Consider it this way, you can either throw food out or throw it in, but either way, it turns to waste.

2. Create a supportive environment.
Set yourself up for success by adjusting your environment to reflect your intentions. You want to eat well and feel well? Stock your kitchen with foods that sing to you – that you feel excited to prepare and enjoy, that make you feel energized, nourished and satisfied.

3. Cook recipes that make your mouth water.
When you limit yourself to low-fat/diet foods, you send a message to your body that you don’t deserve goodness in your life (in this case, delicious foods). Give yourself permission to eat what you want and notice how you savor it compared to eating the foods that you think you “should” or “have” to eat in order to get the body you want.

4. Eat without distractions.
Sit down, slow down, breathe… and then eat. Take notice of how you eat – is it standing up, rushed, hunched over in front of the refrigerator, in front of the TV, while on the phone? If eating is pleasurable to you, then why rob yourself of the full experience by? When we deprive ourselves of access to simple pleasures in life (like eating), we are more vulnerable to make up for what we are missing with food. Whenever you prepare to eat, sit down and first take several deep, conscious breaths to relax your body and mind and prepare your digestive fire with oxygen. As you continue to pay attention to your breathing and stay present with the experience of eating, you will become more relaxed and the result is that you will feel satisfied sooner and find that you eat less.

5. Eat to feel energized.
Approach your body with compassion. Rather than stuff your body full of food, recognize that she plays an essential role in your life — she’s the one who keeps you alive and albe to experience the pleasures in life. Eat to feel energized. So that you can enjoy a meal and do the things that matter most to you (without feeling sluggish or weighed down).

Before you eat, your energy level will be low, then as you eat, your energy will increase. The trick is to stop eating just at the point when you feel your first energy dip. One bite beyond that you’ll start to feel heavier and fatigued. That’s the indication that it’s time to stop.

Do you struggle with portion control? How can I help you implement some of these strategies? This is an important topic – let’s discuss!

With love and support,
Stephanie

10 Ways to shake up your daily routine

When I talk with clients, part of our conversation about making peace with food is around letting go of control and finding room for flexibility in the way they eat and the way they live their lives. For many of them, years of dieting has made them accustomed to abiding by strict rules and routines.

And while some rituals can provide much-needed structure and comfort, sometimes they become stale.

I get that.

For years when I was battling my weight, I stuck to the rules of dieting. I followed meal plans in diet books, bought promising workout DVDs, and forced myself to run because I thought it would make me thinner.

The result of all of this was that I gained more weight, drove myself crazy and still binged at night because I felt unfulfilled and bored. I was sick of the same old routine. I craved fun and variety, something that would make me feel alive.

I had always been a creature of habit and routine. For me, it provided much-needed structure and comfort, at least during my middle school and high school years, but at this stage in my life, it just wasn’t working. I wanted to be able to go out with friends without worrying about how many calories were in each bit of food that I put in my mouth or stressing out about how many miles I’d have to run to burn it off.

It wasn’t until I started to totally overhaul the way I ate and the way I lived my life that I had success getting to my body’s ideal weight and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

I realized when I was controlled, rigid and uniform with the way I lived my life (every day starting and ending exactly the same way), my food choices also became controlled, rigid and uniform. I then binged because I was unsatisfied; I craved more.

Do you see how that works?

How we eat is a metaphor for how we live our lives.

That’s why it’s so important to create a life fully of variety where we feel inspired, connected, relaxed, joyful and healthy.

To move from a place of uniformity, control, and rigidity to a place of truly living a life that I loved, I asked myself these questions:

– What do I want more than thinness?
– What types of activities light me up?
– How often would I like to connect with others?
– How much variety do I need?

Here are some things that helped me figure out my own way of shaking up my routine in order to feel more vibrant, fun, connected, healthy and happy.

1. Eat something amazing for breakfast. Whip up some eggs, toast and a cup of coffee. Maybe even garnish your plate with some fresh fruit. Make it an experience.

2. Make plans for after work that you can look forward to. Schedule a fun night out with friends or a special someone to disconnect from your typical work routine.

3. Take yourself out to lunch one day to change up your routine. Go on your own or bring a friend. Though it may be a bit more expensive than your normal routine, remember that you are investing in your health and well-being.

4. Switch up your morning routine. Try a new café on your way to work and get something delicious rather than eating at your desk.

5. Wake up 30 minutes earlier and sit in bed with a cup of coffee as you read a book or the newspaper for pleasure.

6. Try a new class. Sign up for that great cooking class that you’ve been dying to try. Or painting, a new workout, you name it. Go on your own or invite a friend.

7. Vary your workout schedule. Go to the gym a couple nights during the week and then plan a workout date with a friend during the weekend. Changing things up will make working out feel like less of a chore and way more fun.

8. Look for a fun recipe to try out one night. Cook something you’re excited to try and then set the mood – set the table nicely, take out the nice china (because why not?), light a favorite candle, turn up some tunes and then sit and eat slowly. Even if you’re cooking for one, treat yourself as you would a dinner guest or a friend. You deserve it.

9. Unplug for a night. Take a break from TV, computers, cell phones and social media and instead, tune in to some soothing music or the natural noise around you as you pour a nice glass of wine and find a comfy place to indulge in your favorite book or trashy magazine.

10. Take control over your schedule. Block off times on your work schedule to get up and walk around or get outside for 15 minutes. Having these breaks during the day can help you feel more energized and productive at work.

Did any of these suggestions excite you? When you take the driver’s seat in your life, you start taking action in creating abundance, variety and fun in your life. And THAT is when the binges stop, your weight naturally takes care of itself and you feel your best.

Give some of these a shot and let me know if you notice a difference in how you feel.

I’d love for you to share how you shake up your work week to have more fun and variety. What other suggestions do you have to add?

With love,
Stephanie

A lesson in radical forgiveness

I get asked quite often how I healed my relationship with food and my body. Unfortunately, there’s no one “cure;” it’s a process. And I learned through trial and error. But I can say that one of the most powerful shifts that I experienced was when I finally was able to find forgiveness.

Forgiveness for putting my body through everything that I put her through – starving, bingeing, purging, name-calling (calling her fat).

Forgiveness for not figuring it out sooner; for being perfectly imperfect.

Forgiveness for the choices I made, the people I hurt and those who I let hurt me.

Forgiveness for the times I turned to food for emotional reasons. Because in that moment of chaos and confusion, I was doing the best I could to take care of myself, given what I knew.

Without forgiveness, you stay stuck. You relive the shame, guilt and embarrassment that breathes life into emotional eating behaviors. Physically and emotionally, you stand in that pain.

It’s not enough to say it doesn’t matter; to say it’s not your reality any more so who cares?

If you want to make peace with food, the first step is to forgive yourself and start practicing new tools – gentle and loving tools – to care for yourself. And know that it takes time to master. Like strengthening a muscle, you will get stronger and stronger each time you work it. And when you feel shaky, you can ask for help.

Mistakes are your opportunities to grow and learn. Pass on the judgment and allow yourself to see them for the lessons they truly are.

With love,
Stephanie

P.S. If you want to learn more about what it means to practice self-compassion, let’s chat. You can book a session to talk with me and gain clarity around what’s keeping you stuck in the struggle with food and your body. It’s on me 🙂

To stop emotional eating, you have to know this one thing.

When I work with people on healing their relationship with food, here’s how it goes:

They come to me after years of struggling with food. They’ve tried every diet under the sun – every bootcamp, workout video, detox, cleanse, you name it – and no matter how hard they try to stick with it, they can’t seem to experience long-lasting success. They describe their experience as being really “good” for a while, but then they fall off the wagon. They often binge eat. They feel stuck in a body they hate and their confidence is dwindling.

Together, we work on a lot of different things. I guide them in making subtle changes that lead to big shifts. The kind of shifts that help them…

Stop fighting to control what they eat and what they weigh.

Stop bingeing.

Make peace with their bodies and allow food to find its natural place in their life.

But then something kind of scary (and also exciting!) happens…

Now that they aren’t someone who is struggling to control their weight – they aren’t turning to food for love, for comfort or to avoid disappointment, or loneliness – they are faced with real life and they don’t know what to do.

When you take away the distraction (food), real life is exposed. You’re forced to feel things and experience whatever comes your way.

Happiness, sadness, excitement, boredom, joy, heartbreak, loneliness, uncertainty.

And this can be really tough.

I’ve been there. In that place where you know that you’re not hungry but you’ve been so accustomed to relying on food for emotional reasons that when you stop, you feel at a loss. You’re faced with all sorts of things that you’re unsure how to deal with.

This brings up a lot of fear for people. Sometimes we’re so frightened of feeling bored for a night that we frantically rummage the pantry, looking for cookies to keep us company. Or we’re so afraid of dealing with issues in a relationship or work that we go on a diet to try to control some part of our lives and hope to feel better. We’re afraid that our feelings might wipe us away, tear us apart.

It’s easy to use food.

But here’s the thing, if you could allow yourself to feel, you can handle it.

It’s not as bad as you think. As one client has said, “the walls haven’t caved around me and the sun is still shining.”

You can handle it. Whatever comes your way, you’ve got it.

So I want to challenge you… the next time you think about turning to food when you’re not hungry, ask yourself:

What is this food doing for me right now?

What am I feeling?

And then, I want to challenge you to feel it. Just this once.

Allow yourself to cry your eyes out because you’re upset. Notice how it feels to actually let it all out. How at peace you feel when it passes.

Take a step outside* and SCREAM because you’re frustrated or angry. Add some swears in there for good measure if there aren’t young ears around. *Can’t get outside? Grab a pillow instead and let it all out.

Sit on your couch and find peace in the stillness. Twiddle your thumbs, because you’re so bored. Watch how your creativity is ignited and the ideas just roll.

Feel the overwhelm. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll know what to do about it if you give yourself the change to just sit with it.

Embrace your feelings and embrace real life. Don’t just push it away.

You can handle it, I promise.

Imagine not being scared of any feeling. Imagine knowing that you could handle it. How much more fulfilling would your life be?

In the comments below, share with me how this challenge goes for you. When you allowed yourself to experience your feelings instead of eating, just this once, how did it go? What happened? I’m here for you!

Sending love and courage,

Stephanie

P.S. If you’re looking for support with emotional eating and/or your relationship with food, I’m making myself available to you to gain clarity and support during a 60-minute Freedom Breakthrough session. There’s absolutely no pressure. This first session is on me. So if starting the New Year with new intentions and a new journey sounds exactly like what you are looking for, get in touch with me by December 30th so you can get started on making the change you want to see this 2015!

What happens when you eat when without hunger

Good morning!

I hope everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving!

I realized something really important this weekend. In the past, family shindigs that involved food left me scared and anxious. But something was different this year. Something about taking away the pressure to be “perfect,” to stick to the “rules” of what to eat or not eat, and setting a different intention (to feel comfortable versus to be thin) made the holiday less overwhelming and way more fun.

I didn’t want to be a player in the tug-of-war battle against my body this year. I dropped my end of the rope. In doing so, guilt and shame were shut out from the equation. And when there’s no guilt or shame, there’s no binge. The compulsion to overeat goes away. For the most part, I ate when I was hungry, and when I ate outside of that hunger, I became consciously aware of that which I had not understood in the past…

When you eat when you’re not really hungry (physically hungry, that is), you feel like you could eat and eat with no end in sight.

Maybe you already knew that. But for a long time, I felt like a crazy person; like there was something seriously wrong with me when I just couldn’t stop eating.

I realize now that I feared the feeling of hunger. Physically, the sensation of hollowness and emptiness reminded me of the emotional emptiness that I felt in my life. During my early 20s, I was in a relationship that left me feeling unworthy of being loved, my father’s health was deteriorating, and my ‘eating problem’ was starting to chip away at many of my friendships. The growling and rumbling sound of hunger struck in me a fear of needing. I considered myself an independent young woman; the type of girl who always figured it out on her own. So when I hit this low point in my life, I was afraid. I feared not being able to do this on my own. But most of all, I feared allowing myself to need; I feared that those needs, if expressed, might never be met. Rather than be disappointed, I avoided the feeling altogether. You see, when we fear that our needs might never be met, the sensation of hunger can evoke the emotion of hunger. And because it is an emotion that is repressed, we put it away, we don’t want to be reminded of it. So when physical hunger activates our wanting or aching or desire, we eat to stuff those feelings.

I feared hunger because I believed that my hunger was so deep I could devour the world. And when inevitably, I binged, I felt I had given proof of that.

As renowned author and emotional eating expert, Geneen Roth says, “When the hunger for food is absent, so is the signal telling you to stop.”

When we eat without hunger, we miss out on the taste, the texture, the pleasure, and the satisfaction we get from good. And when we don’t allow ourselves that experience, we set ourselves up to feel deprived and hunt for more food. And thus, our greatest fear that we may never stop eating, is proven.

For many years, I relied on food for emotional reasons. Food was my source of fun and play, my hug at the end of the day, my ‘something-to-do’ to pass the time when I was bored.

Change is not just about moving away from old habits that don’t serve us, rather it’s about learning how to move towards new ones that do.

Eating when we are not hungry is an indication that we crave something more in our lives. When you are not hungry, you are eating not to satisfy physical nourishment but likely to help cope with life’s daily discomforts. If you feel that you rely on food for emotional reasons, I encourage you to pause a moment and before you go rummaging through the pantry for something to eat, ask yourself these questions:

Am I hungry? Is my stomach grumbling and feeling empty? Look, without judgment (this is key), at what you really want. Are you looking for comfort, fun, love, a warm embrace? The way you eat can be an indication of what you are missing in your life if you are willing to trust that it is a sign for change and not a fatal flaw.

With love and compassion,
Stephanie

P.S. Are we friends on Facebook yet? Let’s connect and start spreading the word about shifting the way we view what we how, how we eat, and the way we treat our bodies. My mission is to help as many men and women out there who are struggling with body image and weight management issues. In doing that, I’d love your help! If you like what you’re reading, share it or Tweet it! I appreciate it!